The Mother Effin Truth’s

By Thursday, October 29, 2015 1 No tags Permalink 1

Remember that one time we all shared our “Mother Effin Truth’s”?

If you are a new reader to the blog, when I first started the blog back in February of this year. I posted an Instagram post and told everyone my truth behind motherhood. I tagged friends to share their truth’s, and next thing you know for over a week mother’s across the board were sharing the hilarious moment’s that brought us all closer.

Our tribe described the reality of our days, and we all sat in our yoga pants and coffee in hand (some a glass of wine) laughing out loud. Who knew we all were the same, but just had different paths.

I knew, so I started this crazy blog to share my journey and everyone else’s journey.

So here’s to throwback Thursday, grab your cocktail to laugh again. This never gets’s old.

If you can think of a few new ones, please post away.

I could sure use a laugh today; I’m running on fumes.

Here’s my top 20

1.I use my blow dryer so rarely that the kids run and scream “what is that?”

2.I sneak bites of ice cream through out the day

3.My daily diet is mostly made up of coffee, and eating raisons off the floor that Orla left behind.

4.Oh, one last thing. I ate an entire pizza last night. By myself.

5.So now I’m going to attempt a quick nap before Roo realizes she is sleeping and not eating therefore causing her to lose her ever-loving mind…again!

6.I believe he plays with butterflies all day instead of his actual job

7.My baby’s feet are dirty right now from walking around in the walker all over my floors that need to be mopped. Whoops.

8.Also, I’m late everywhere I go, and when I do finally get my child to her destination…we both look homeless (She went to ballet this week with gum stuck to her tights and I was practically wearing pjs)

9.My #mothereffintruth is that by 7pm, I’m shot, zero brain power, get my a&$ on the couch time.

10.Curren said shit the other day and said he learned it from me.

11.I don’t think I have taken a shower or gone to the restroom by myself since Tucker was born.

12.I keep saying I’m going to get back to the gym, it just isn’t a priority right now. I would rather sleep another 30 minutes than spend that time on a treadmill.

13.“Dad, mommy spent too much on Amazon again”

14.I hate people who judge me on how I parent. I call them “the chosen ones”. It’s like they were sprinkled with all knowing fucking fairy dust in the delivery room. I don’t know why the hell I wasn’t sprinkled with the perfect parent fairy dust.

15.My kids watch TV. By too much I mean Eddie literally woke up, turned on videos, and only left the chair to pee until DINNER yesterday.

16.They get a lollipop at 10am just so I can grocery shop in peace which you should thank me for because that means you to are shopping in peace.

17.I absolutely love my kids but about 10 minutes before I gave birth to my son I had no idea what I’m doing.

18.I am a human garbage disposal around here. I will eat just about anything left on my kids plates- and that doesn’t exclude previous chewed Costco chicken nuggets.

19.Sweet, don’t they look it? But what you don’t know, most of the time they aren’t.

20.I am too lazy to clean so I have house cleaners do it for me (Larry didn’t know I had them for the longest time until they showed up and he was off work one day)

1 Comment
  • Nicolette
    October 30, 2015

    Haha… This is great. Had me laughing out loud. Here is a text message from today to a friend that I copy and pasted:
    (BTW- besides in n out I don’t eat fast food and I don’t share this info lightly ?)

    Totally drove extra to get some peace and quiet, In the car with two sleeping babies… And yes, I’m in the Wendy’s drive thru now ?

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