We all have our mommy story, but we may have a different path we have walked then somebody else. My path was an unexpected turn, honestly I walked down a path pretty blinded. I will never forget the weekend my life changed.
I was having a 4th of July party with friends and family at my house, and yes I was drinking!! I only had 2 beers, but I definitely felt foggy the next day and just not myself. All weekend I was making numerous trips to the bathroom, and drinking didn’t even sound good!
I was 2 days late on my period, and the thought of being pregnant was in my head all weekend.
Like most of us, I was convinced there is no way I could be pregnant. I ran into the local grocery store with such fear that I would run into someone that would see me holding a pregnancy test.
I will never forget the young man ringing me up, I felt like he was judging me, and he was looking at me like “oh my goodness your pregnant”?
I ran out of there, and Sean and I decided to wait until Ethan went to bed. He was fearful I may cry, or I may just very well scream!
As soon as my step son’s eyes were shut, I was peeing on a stick.
I placed the stick on my bathroom counter and ran out the room. I waited the few minutes and ran back in….holy crap it read “PREGNANT”.
I embraced Sean, and the excitement ran through my veins like I can’t describe. Wow, I get to be a mommy and I get to be pregnant.
What makes you happy?
Honestly, this may sound cliche but my family makes me the happiest. I have dreamed the day I would have my own family since I was a little girl. I was the little 8 year old sitting in her room, playing with her dolls and pretending to be a mommy! I always knew I would be a mommy, but never knew when my journey would begin. Life literally just started in a direction I’m so excited to embark. I get to unwrap a Christmas present every day, and that’s why being a parent is so amazing.
Is it hard to be a step mommy?
This question is hard, but I’m going to be brutally honest…it sure is! It has days it’s easy, and it has days it’s really hard. The journey to raise a kid that you didn’t give birth to, but you are responsible for raising is pretty scary. You will always be on egg shells, because you are technically not their parent. Plus, at some point you will be reminded that you are not their mom. That one sentence can be hard to hear, but it’s the truth. Sean keeps telling me “one day he will thank you for everything you do” so that’s how I go to sleep at night. Being a step parent is to take in the small things, and the big things are what you get in return. Big things may mean thank you’s, hugs, and a look of gratitude. That’s the best, and I love him more then he knows!
What challenges do you have between a 7 year old and a 10 month old?
Well let’s start with my 7 year old step son, he’s in a fun phase right now ( not really). Back when I first met him, he cuddled and was very affectionate with me. Now a days, he touches me and screams because I’m a girl. He barely wants to kiss me good night, and every now and again I get one. He’s mister know it all and very smart for his age, and is a sore loser (hates to loose at games, and throws fits) but I guess who doesn’t like to win! He eats with his fingers, and eats chap stick but we are working on it.
But, I guess that’s a 7 year old for you. Anniston, man it’s like I feel like I jump over one hurdle and then I have another one facing right at me. She was mad when she couldn’t crawl, so she screamed. Then she was mad because she did a half crawl, so she screamed. Now, she can crawl, but she gets stuck places or goes places she shouldn’t be going to, so she screams. I never can win, and she found her voice so those little cute screams have become loud piercing screams. She eats tons of food, but there is food stuck in every crevice of her high chair, oh that’s a real joy to clean.
Then sleeping is a whole other ball game, I get one week of straight 8 hour sleep. The next week she’s up 3 times a night, it’s such a gamble I would rather bet my odds in Vegas. So it’s never easy with one that’s older or a baby, they both have their challenges and work. One your helping with homework, asking to brush their teeth 5 times before bed, and begging them to eat their veggies or they don’t get dessert. Then you have the baby that needs diaper changes, feedings, bathed, spit up, diaper explosions, crying, and screaming, oh I could keep going but I think you catch my drift. Love them both to pieces, but there are days they challenge us and I know that’s the definition of parenthood.
Were you planning to get pregnant?
Believe it or not, this question popped up all the time when I first told people I was pregnant. I mean I technically wasn’t married, and we grew up knowing you get married first and then have babies. This whole idea of doing everything by the book was the story of my life. I mean I went to school, went to college, got a job, didn’t do drugs, always did my best. Then I had a mid life crisis at 33 (just kidding), and got pregnant. I will never forget in the beginning I was scared shit less to tell pretty much anyone, especially my parents. This is the first time in my life, I felt like I was going to be judged. The only person, that really understood was my sister because she also had a child out of wedlock. I will never forget I was only 12 weeks pregnant and I went to a party with all my girl friends. There was 3 of us girls that just found out we were pregnant, all weeks of each other. That night everyone was announcing their pregnancy, mind you the other two were married. I had butterflies driving to the party, and every scenario was going on in my head. Who was going to say what? The looks I would get and so on and so on. My best friend announced it for me, and I got the hugs, the “how exciting”, to the normal questions. But, one of my friends (who I’m still friends with) said was it planned? My heart dropped and I didn’t know how to answer her, because technically it wasn’t planned. I told her we didn’t plan it and it was a shock to us, and she shouted “We all now how to get pregnant” basically saying I knew what I was doing. I wanted to run back to my car, and just drive home and cry. I felt so hurt, bummed, and ashamed all wrapped into one. That night I was up late talking to Sean, and just pouring out my feelings. I went to sleep and my mind was wandering, every feeling was taking up every inch of my brain. I finally came to the conclusion, that it didn’t matter what everyone thought, and I had to let go of these feelings of trying to please everyone. In all reality, Anniston may not have been a plan in my book, but she sure made it to be a chapter I’m sure I will read over and over again! On a side note, my friend ended up emailing me and apologizing, and we are all good. I can actually thank her for her words, because I needed to face my fear.
5. Do you feel judged not being married with a child?
To tell the truth, it was hard to swallow the fact I was carrying a baby without being married at first. I mean, Sean could leave me and I would be alone with a baby. That thought crossed my mind for literally a minute. But, I realized throughout my pregnancy our connection was what was going to get us through this time. I knew we would be together, and I knew we would get married. It was just the question of when, and I just let life lead it’s course. Voila we are know engaged and it happened on a day I didn’t even think about it….I was blown away to say the least!
Now that you have told the Mother Effin Truth, who do you want to nominate to tell their story as a mother? And why?
I want to nominate my sister, Lauren O’Neil. I will never forget the day she told me she was pregnant. I was on vacation with Sean in Boston, visiting family. We were eating at a Italian restaurant, with most of my mom’s side of the family. My aunt, cousin and I went to the bathroom. I checked my phone to see my sister had called quite a few times. I called her back as I was about to make my way out of the bathroom. When she told me she was pregnant I was in disbelief, and stunned to say the least. That bathroom will always be cemented in my head. Fast forward to 2 years later, and she is such a great mom to watch. Mother hood looks good on her, and the lessons I have learned from her are unreal. Let’s just say being moms has brought us closer together, and we just understand each other at this point in our life. I can’t wait for all of you to hear her story, and to read her journey.