Can I get pregnant is always in the back of our head before we try. Some have it easy, some takes months, and others take the harder route and thats IVF. Mama Darcy talks about her journey, and her lovely children she has running around her house!
Here’s her story in her words:
“You are going to have a hard time getting pregnant someday.” These were haunting words to a fifteen year old girl standing in the doctor’s office. Sure enough, five years into our marriage the words rang true. After “trying” for a few months we were elated to find out we were pregnant, only to experience the crushing devastation a few weeks later of a first trimester miscarriage. This false hope that we could conceive deepened the desire and intensity to have a baby.
After many consultations and doctor’s appointments we became convinced that IVF was our best option to have a healthy, live birth. Through tears, hard questions, and wrestling with God we decided to go for it.
The journey of IVF was exhausting, and at times excruciating, but after dozens of injections, countless 5am ultrasound appointments before work, high emotions, and 4 surgeries, my husband and I welcomed two big, healthy, twin boys into the world.
Keagan was born with bright red hair and huge blue eyes – and a personality to match both. From the first moment he was keenly aware of the people around him and looked deep into your eyes, and to this day the people in his life are his greatest love and concern. He fits every stereotype of a redhead, filled with passion, drive and charisma.
His brother Kinkade is a brunette, with dark brown eyes, and a deeply pensive, but laid back personality. His introspection belies a goofy side. Nothing makes me smile quicker than when Kinkade really laughs. To this day, as a cool seventh grader, his laugh melts me.
Sitting in an orphanage in Antigua, Guatemala my junior year of college holding and loving orphans I made a promise to God that I would come back someday and give one of these children a home and a family. From a very young age I wanted to adopt. On our second date Aaron and I talked about our similar desire to adopt internationally.
The journey of an international adoption is daunting; endless paperwork, financial investment, and literally having your heart reside in another country for an unknown amount of time until that precious child is released to come home with you. The process was grueling, yet the best decision we have ever made. God has never been so real to me and my faith grew and grew throughout the process in authentic and exciting ways. In the middle of our adoption we found out we were pregnant, then miscarried once again. Ironically, we received our referral on the same day of the baby’s due date.
The first trip to Guatemala to meet Lucia at three weeks old I was filled with all the same emotions and love as holding the boys for the first time in the hospital. I got to experience five unbelievable trips to Guatemala to soak in every moment with her as a newborn before she came home at seven months old. I believe Lucia is the cutest and most compassionate second grader on the planet. When she smiles, unleashing the biggest dimples you have ever seen, she lights up the entire room.
Six months after Lucia came home I started feeling that familiar feeling of being pregnant. I was terrified at the possibility of going through another miscarriage….the prospect of living through that moment in the ultrasound when you realize there is no heartbeat. 12 years into marriage, with a 0% success rate of carrying a healthy baby to full term, I was really, really scared. We did not tell a soul for the first four months. We guarded our hearts and never let ourselves get excited about the baby I was carrying, holding at bay our anticipation that perhaps we could actually bring a healthy child into the world without the aid of artificial insemination or the Guatemalan consulate. With each passing week, we gave in to the excitement.
A month before her due date, Emery Pearl entered the world. I’m convinced it, and we, will never be the same. She is a survivor and fighter. Nothing gets in the way of what she wants. She drives me absolutely crazy and is the joy and heartbeat of our family. At six years old she continues to put our family into complete chaos every single day.
All four kids took different paths to our family, and all those paths were miraculous. I always say four kids is way too many, and Aaron answers, “no, it is just enough.” We never “win” at the end of the day. We collapse into bed each night exhausted, filled with feelings of failure and insecurity that we could have been better parents, and hanging by a thread.
But life is full, and 12 years ago I did not have any hope that we would even have one child. When I look into the rear view mirror and see all four precious faces, I marvel at God’s sense of humor and this ride to motherhood.
Describe IVF in one word and define?
Hope. . . . . most of the time going through infertility feels hopeless. IVF gave us hope that we would have a family.
What were your fears going into adoption?
My biggest fear going through the adoption process was that something would go wrong in the process and we would not get to bring our baby girl home in a timely manner, or at all. Your heart is living in another country,
What advice would you give someone that is going through the adoption process?
I joined a community through our adoption agency. It was great to have support, encouragement and simply people who understand the logistics, emotions, and ups and downs of the process.
6:15 – wake up and get ready in 15 minutes, I am not a hair or makeup girl. . I choose sleep!!! I have always preferred a natural look. 6:30 – wake up Emery for school 6:30 – 7:00 – Aaron and I tag team getting Emery ready for school & breakfast.
6:55 – walk Emery to bus 7:00 – wake up Lucia and get her dressed and hair done and leave for work. 7:00 – 8:00 – Aaron finishes getting Lucia breakfast and wakes up the boys and gets them breakfast. It is really important to us that the kids have protein every morning.
7:30 – 1:30 – Work – I am the director of a Laboratory Preschool on a College Campus, so I am the director of the preschool and work with the college students who are interested in going into education. I superve their practicum, work study and internships.
1:30 – Rush home, errands on the way (costco, grocery shopping, kids projects) then home to plan Volleyball practice, eat lunch, and get dinner started and planned.
2:45 – Pick up Emery from the bus
3:00 – Get girls afterschool snack and myself ready for practice
3:15 – Pick up Lucia from bus
3:25 – Leave for Volleyball practice/match with both girls in the car. I am the head Varsity Volleyball Coach at our local 6A High School.
3:45 – 6:30 – Volleyball practice
6:30 – Home to get everyone dinner and off to evening activities – soccer, basketball, piano, choir concerts, band concerts, gymnastics, dance . . . ect. 7:30 – Girls bedtime routine – baths, books, snuggles 8:00 – Girls to bed and focus on Homework help and catching up on the day with boys and Aaron.
9:00 – 10:00 Boys to bed, time with Aaron
10:00 – Bed and do it again the next day
Motherhood is so hard. I struggle all the time that I am not enough or doing enough. With four kids I am constantly worried that they are not getting what they need emotionally, academically, spiritually, behaviorally. My husband, my authentic friends, and my faith help get me through motherhood. My husband is a constant support and avoice of reason and wisdom in my life. He has great perspective and is truly a partner in this adventure of parenting.
Now that you have told the Mother Effin Truth, who do you want to nominate to tell their story as a mother? And why?
I am nominating Colleen Flanigan because I admire how intentional she is with all three of her kids. She is the most fun mom I know. She is so intentional about making life fun and really enjoying her kids.