I hate the word stepmom; I feel like it makes me sound like I’m one step down from being a mom. But in all reality, I do the same duties a mom does, and I know I do because I’m also a mom. I’m not trying to be my step son’s mom; I’m attempting to be a good role model, and that’s what makes my job and relationship with him easier.
I want him to look up to me, to see that I can love him and his sister with equality. I want him to feel the love in our home and not feel like an outsider; I want him to see the love I have for his dad, and to be himself because his dad and I didn’t throw his past in his face but welcomed him to his future with open arms.
Someone recently said it perfect. I may not be his mom or actual mom. But I sure am his parent. My new label is a parent. I like it.
Sean and I explain to Ethan all the time that I’m his mom figure when he’s at our house. His step dad is the dad figure when he’s at his mom’s house. He has parents when he’s at our house or his mom. He has to listen to the rules, be loved, share, eat dinners as a family, do homework, and go to bed with two parents. Whether they are a step or real, they are there for him and to love him no matter what title they may be.
So I had a reader email me and asked me questions about this whole step parent world. She has one foot in and let me tell you once you step into this world it starts to get crazy.
To be honest, in the beginning, I was jealous and upset on some days that Sean already experienced being a husband and father, and it wasn’t with me. At the same time, it was nice that he was experienced and seasoned because he already knew the ropes and he was that much of a better partner to navigate this new world I was in.
So my reader asked me questions, and I thought why not share with all of you, what she wanted to know and maybe what y’all wanted to know.
Here I go…
How do you guys handle the schedule? Do you find your son adjusting well to the schedule?
The schedule is never easy for anyone in the situation. You are constantly looking at a calendar, and you are switching weekends for events because life around you does not work around your schedule. No matter what your situation is, you will have a whole lot of juggling. Sharing holidays, and birthdays.
Now the children have it worse. Imagine having to go back and forth, different rules in different homes, and never feeling like they can just stay put in one place. I think most kids adjust, but only because they have to and not by choice, unfortunately, the children are the ones that pay the price. Every choice any parent makes, there is always consequences to deal with down the road.
How do you handle the co-parenting bullshit haha? Sounds bad but some of the stuff the ex-wife has done lately are ridiculously stupid, and it’s sooo hard to bite my tongue lately. Haha. I am learning.
Learn to bite your tongue, it’s the only way to live in this situation. I had one rule with Sean, and that’s I will not get involved in their fights because this is a battle the two of them got in. The bottom line is, Sean doesn’t need my help or someone to fight his battles. He never once has wanted to drag me into any mess. Co-parenting is not easy, and you will see it’s hard to see eye to eye on every situation. But, I always put Ethan first in every situation. He matters most, so I take an LOT of deep breaths. I hug him when he’s frustrated. I love my husband more when it becomes hard. Trust me, everything affects everyone.
Magical. You understand parenting in a whole new way. You know why your husband/boyfriend wants to fight hard, love more, and will do anything. You love your child and your step child in a whole new manner. He or she is now a brother/sister to your child. You want them to have a relationship, and you want your family to have a bond nobody will tear apart. Your family will feel more complete. Bottom line, you understand more, and you have a lot of ‘aha’ moments.
I’m not called mom, and I have mixed feelings too. We have a lot of custody of my stepson, so he is with me a ton. But to me, that’s just a name and doesn’t show actions. I don’t care if I have the name mom; I care more about making sure he feels like he has a mom in my house. Every child should feel like they have a mom, whether they are with their mom or not. I’m Megapoo (a funny name I know). But, I think it’s a good idea to have an endearing name. Not mom, mama, or mother. Just a name for you. It will make them feel like your special.