Blending a family is like putting all the ingredients in a blender for a shake. Sometimes it blends well, and sometimes it’s a little chunky.
Blended families can go two ways. It can work out, and it can go sour.
Not trying to be negative, but has a lot to do with your attitude. Easier said than done. Right?
Let’s break it down into words, make it simple. Blended families are not so simple. They are work, and work some of us just don’t want to do. You have different personalities, parenting skills, and apparent differences.
We are either hurt, mad, or just resentful of either past situations or present conditions.
My one piece of advice takes it day by day. Somedays are easy peasy, and others you want to go to the gym and take a boxing class.
Here’re ten words to help you blend! Get the blender ready, and throw them in!
1. COMMUNICATE– This is the top of the list. No communication is no Bueno! Communicate how you feel, schedules, and all aspects of your child or children. Remember that your ex-spouse doesn’t know what you are thinking. So calmly communicate. Describe if something hurt your feelings, made you upset, or you felt you were misunderstood. Talk to your children. Be honest with feelings, and how something may affect them. Speak to them openly about situations, and ask questions. Children will not be open, so help them open up. Throughout the hustle and bustle of schedules and back and forth, sit down with them and have your one on one’s. Talk to your new partner, and be open with every conversation you have about your children, schedules, and situations. Include them in EVERYTHING.
2. HONESTY– Just be honest. Be honest about the past, present and future. No lying behind anyone’s back. That means to your ex, and your current spouse or significant other. Be honest with your children, if they ask questions answer them correctly (kid friendly). You don’t want to lie, and down the road they question you.
3. RESPECT– Respect everyone’s position in the blended family. Respect everyone opinions, feelings, and schedules. Don’t act like your schedule is the only schedule. Everyone involved is affected.
4. APOLOGIZE– It’s hard to apologize, but apologize when you are wrong. Be the bigger person. Apologize to your kids about the past, and be open.
5. BE QUIET- Sometimes know when to bite your tongue. That’s everyone involved in the blended family. Think before you speak. It could help tremendously!
6. INVOLVED– Just be involved in your kids life, and let the person in your life be involved. That means let them in when it’s time to punish. Let them in when it’s time for rewards. If you let them in, they will not feel like an outsider in this family and their house.
7.ENCOURAGE- Encourage when your ex-spouse seems lost. Encourage your children to have a good outlook on the situation. Encourage your new significant other when they seem lost or not sure they can handle the situation.
8. LISTEN– Listen to the other person feelings even if you don’t agree. Listen to your children when they complain, or just seem confused. A listening ear goes a long way, and sometimes just shutting the mouth, and listening can heal up problems.
9. CHOICES– Remember that every choice you make affects everyone around you. Kids and adults. You better think long and hard before you make any choice. There is a lot of hearts and feelings to be felt. Make choices for your kids and not YOU. You only have them young for so long. Make choices with your partner, and not just make them because they are your kids. They are BOTH of your kids.
10. FORGIVE– Forgive the past. Forgive when you say something mean. Forgive to children when you lose your patience. Forgive your actions. Forgive when you have made wrong choices. Forgive if you have lost your cool with your ex.