It takes a village to raise a child.
– African proverb
They say “it takes a village” to raise children. Yes it does. I never believed it until I became a mom. Cleaning a bathroom, cooking dinner, and going to the grocery store used to be easy tasks. But with a toddler/baby at your ankles and screaming for you every minute, those little items on your to do list become impossible.
In the beginning of motherhood, I really wanted to be the BEST mom possible.
I thought that I could run the show like nobody’s business. I would go days without washing my hair (still do), smelled like a mix of sour breastmilk and baby poop, and dark circles that were so dark makeup couldn’t even do the job.
I soon figured out that I couldn’t do it all. I wanted to feel like a real human being again. This whole no bra, yoga pants, no shower, no makeup, barely brushed teeth, and no life business ROYALLY sucked. Sucked the living daylights out of me.
I was done.
So I decided I needed to gather a village to help me get from 6am-9pm everyday. I realized I couldn’t wear all the hats. I’m not super mom, I don’t have a hundred hands, and let’s be real I’m only one person.
First off you need a village of friends. These friends are your go-to moms that you can cry, complain, bitch to because guess what they are in the same trenches you are digging in. Make sure your friend village is filled with mom’s that are here to lift you up, help when you need it, and are your biggest cheerleaders.
My husband. He takes my stepson to school 9-10 times. I get to sit and play with my toddler, write on the blog, workout, and sip my coffee when the bell rings in the morning. I do make breakfast and lunch. But, he’s the driver. That one little task helps me have my sanity and get stuff done early on. He’s my rock, garbage man, helps during dinner, keeps things under control, regulator, and shows everyone love.
I have a cleaning lady come twice a month. I don’t deep clean shit in my house. The money to have her here twice a month is worth EVERY penny. I will stop having Starbucks, eat rice for lunch, and cut my shopping if it means I don’t have to clean a shower every week!
My beauty team. They help this hair, eyebrows, and nails look like I actually give a shit. My husband complains that I do all this stuff but would he rather me have grey hair, bushy eyebrows, and chewed up nails? No he wouldn’t. Must have your beauty team who you trust, wants you to feel and look pretty! Plus gives you that excuse to be an hour away.
My mother in law. She is my go-to babysitter. I trust her and my children are her everything. You have to have at least one person you trust and can call at a moments notice. Hard to find, but it will save you when you have forgot you had an appointment and you call in a panic.
My sister. She had a baby 10 months before me. I call her ALL the time to either vent on my no sleep night, questions “why” something happened, or “what she would do” situations.
My mom. Advice and more advice. Plus, she showers my baby with love and gifts.
The park. Thank goodnesss for parks. They help me get my child’s energy out, and a place where she can run and run!!
Playdates. I could have one everyday. Keeping my child entertained is a project in itself.
Curious George. For entertaining my child during any activity I need her chilled out.
Wipes. Cleaning up a million messes.
Random people that smile at my child or say hi when my child is crying and throwing a fit in the grocery store.
Treats. Bribbing my child with treats has gotten me through meltdowns, potty training, walking, and every situation I need to get out of throughout my day.
Coffee. I don’t know what kind of mother I would be if I didn’t have coffee. I’m more alert, fun, and can feel some what decent with a no sleep state.
Wine. Just getting the edge off with one glass can make me feel like bedtime is no big deal.
My cell phone. When I have watched the same cartoon from 5:30am-7:30am I’m usually scrolling on my phone in between commercials.
Google. I’m on that shit day in and day out. Embarrased to admit what I google. We would all be judging each other if that went public.
Daycare at the gym. Only way I can get my ass to the gym.
Target. My happy place. I feel like its Disneyland and I buy cute table runners and coffee cups to help me indulge when I feel like a hot mess.
Amazon. For having everything at my finger tips. Prime shipping is a life savor.
My Gym ( local peeps I go to V-Fit). I get to sweat my fat, tiredness, and frusterations three times a week. Plus I get an hour to myself.
Social Media. So you can view other people’s lives to make you feel better. Learn new recipes. Veg out for a little while so you can get your brain to relax. Of course gush about my kids accomplishments, tantrums, and not so pretty side to motherhood.
This is the short version to my village. My village extends to many people that I engage with on the daily, who help me get from point A to point B.
Motherhood is a job that is not meant for one person. So trust your village and close it tight when needed, let some in and throw some out, and always remember if you need help ask for it.
You got this mama!